decision

as always, I am very confused.. i cant manage my life, is very difficult for me do make a decision. I am scare to make a bad choice, so I don't know how to make this step to passed. I don't wanted to fall down again, its hurt, I don't want to be hurt again. why me? why always me? problems at school, after school ends, family problems begins. I will not ask the perfect family, a millionaire parents, I just wanted them to give me love. I am also a human being, I need a love of my family and friends. But why is so difficult to understand me? no one will understand me until the day I die.
My brothers acts like they are very proud, I hate them. before marry, they just care about their friends, after marry, they just care about their wife. I have more problems with my old brother, is a stingy guy, have the same attitude like his wife. The day I saw his real face, I have make a final choice, I will not consider him as my brother. He wanted to act, I will act with him. I feel as a clown in my house. As he told me, that I don't need to tell everything, I have to hide inside my hearth, I will do it. I don't know, but the only things I ma very sure, is that I wanted to get out from this house, I don't wanted to see their face anymore.

VACATION

vacations are so bored.. everyday working and working. I considered myself as a lazy girl, since I woke up at 10.00 A.M. Today I go out to do the test of driving, I passed the visual test, the audience test, but I didn't passed the teory test, so sad. It missed the teory and practice test. I don't know, I lost the faith to do the test again. I lost the hope to take my license. my brothers don't want me to have license, but I will showed them that I can do by myself legally, with all my effort I will passed, no matter how many times, but I will do it.
Well, On Monday I will go again to do the test, hope I can passed. I believed that I PASSED.

choosing a career

It just missed one year more, I will finished high school and still i don't know what to study. I think that I will choose fashion designer, but how to become a designer when i don't even know how to draw. I was trying to draw as I have in my mind the style that I will like to make a dress, but I cant draw. So, I think I need to look for another options.
The year that I spend in Canada, I thought that I will study as a designer in a college. But since everything change, I still don't know what to study. I feel like I am a failure girl. How is possible that at this moment , I still don't know what to study.
So sad, but the most important for me is to went to another country, too meet new people and to forget the past. But something will never forget, this is friendship, I will never forget all the friends from here, in Panama.
In this 2 months of vacation, I will take English class to improved my English. Of course that I will no spend my 2 months of vacation just for the curse. I will learned how to drive and to take out my license