decision

as always, I am very confused.. i cant manage my life, is very difficult for me do make a decision. I am scare to make a bad choice, so I don't know how to make this step to passed. I don't wanted to fall down again, its hurt, I don't want to be hurt again. why me? why always me? problems at school, after school ends, family problems begins. I will not ask the perfect family, a millionaire parents, I just wanted them to give me love. I am also a human being, I need a love of my family and friends. But why is so difficult to understand me? no one will understand me until the day I die.
My brothers acts like they are very proud, I hate them. before marry, they just care about their friends, after marry, they just care about their wife. I have more problems with my old brother, is a stingy guy, have the same attitude like his wife. The day I saw his real face, I have make a final choice, I will not consider him as my brother. He wanted to act, I will act with him. I feel as a clown in my house. As he told me, that I don't need to tell everything, I have to hide inside my hearth, I will do it. I don't know, but the only things I ma very sure, is that I wanted to get out from this house, I don't wanted to see their face anymore.